My Dad

WEll i am like on a decent relationship with my father. The past four years has been good. My father is a normal man like everyone else and has his flaws. so what i am about to write about him is only for me to calm down, because i am worked up about it at the moment.

So for seven years my dad cheated on my mom, we only found out at the end of my grade 8 year. Yeah that is awesome right >.<

Anyways because of this he was never home maybe one or twice every couple of weeks. Because of this we never say money from his pay checks, since they went to drugs, his clothes, and the girl. So for seven years my mom had to raise 4 kids by herself, and she had to work. Which meant i gave up my childhood when i was younger to help my mom with my sibs. now also i had no rules i did what i wanted the reason out of all things my mom had to worry about it wasn't one of them. We couldn't pay bills or get alot of food, there was times we had no electricity for a month or like i would one eat once a day or so. I had it bad but noting compared to my mom, she wouldn't eat so we could eat, she was the one that had to worry where the next meal was coming from and where we were going to get money to pay the bills and how to stay how not to get kicked out.

They tried to kick us out a couple of times didn't really work as you can see.

So i have forgiven him for what he has done to me. What i haven't forgiven him for is what he did to my mother. I don't know if i will ever be able to. I know we need him well at least to live they way we are now. but we did survive seven years without him i think we could still manage.

What bugs me even more is that he makes rules for me and all he does is make me feel small like i am shit. Like i am a waste of a human body. The only time he has said i am proud of you is when he talks about how i finished high school. If we are not talking about that i am nothing, around friends he is nice and a cool guy like he can be.

Again my Father is a good man, who is a human and has the seven sins like everyone else. He has been good father to my sibs and a good supporter for the past four years. he is a fair guy to deal with and only wants to give the best he can know.

i feel better now

My choice, it should have been clear

Well, everyone knows i am done with Kayla. I am glad she left her bf it was the right thing to do. I am disappointed that she didn't tell him about what happened with her and I but not my place. I don't really know the guy but i am sorry and i want to tell him myself but again Kayla should. Other then that after Talking to Clara, Gillis, and Nicole they just made me see that my liking Corrine is the right choice and that Corrine is awesome. Kayla isn't worth it and as much as she is a good friend i could never date her with trust.

I am still sorry to Kayla tho even tho she wanted it. i should have been able to stop. then again having two people say do it doesn't help. So i am sorry i caused that drama but i am glad it is done.

Grandparents

so last night was most likely the least amount of drama that has been at anime night in a long freaking time.

Anyways today i woke up and got ready to go to my Grandparents, what am i doing well. I happened to need to weed for the garden which we started at 11 and we finished at 2:30. Yeah weeding is fun :\. meh its not too bad but it was hot out. I am sure that my farmers tan just got darker lawl. (not what i needed). The other reason we are here is because tomorrow is my sisters birthday. Nakia for those who know my sisters xD. she is 13 tomorrow. Since we see my grandparents today, we are doing today as well, because well my grandparents like to be a part of it and we are a very close family. Tomorrow she is having some friends over and i think a couple are sleeping over. I am there for a bit but i am leaving at like 4ish to hang out with people. i brought her lunch the other day. She seemed to like it. -.-; i used most of my money i am broke now. She wanted a Nintendo DS i and she got one well is going to get one later today when she opens it. I had to open it and do the settings for her. I made her screen name Nakia (Key) which is the two names she uses and her PM Happy birthday :3.

well back to my family...

Revisited( today and my feelings about it)

Well skip over the grad stuff and my marks that is the same.

OK hanging with Corrine, was FUCKING AWESOME. Okay so first, i scared the shit out of her downtown when we met up. so then we went to the caves like we planned and had a nice hike/walk on the trail. With a lot of pictures along the way :D. Once we hit the cave we went down and i talked Corrine into going first, it was a problem for some reason. so once we started she was like oww every 5 secs from hitting her head xD which i was like i said watch out and you told me you saw it. she lied xD. well once the cave opens(getter bigger) and we could walk in the cave and not crawl, we hit the point i stopped last time where there is a drop and we were not sure if we could get up. but i looked at it and was like i can get up so i went down, and then Corrine joined me and we had to take pics. so then we continued along the cave and i saw a point where it would be ok to get passed but hard to get back and i made the choice to go back. i lead the way out, yeah she got me to go first on the way back. i was like well lets continue the hike so we did. then when we got out i we checked the map and i showed her what we did and the cool things that happen if it rained or the water level raises. Then we went to Tim's where i bought us food, as much as she didn't want me too spend money on her xD and i had to tell her that i was taking her out i have to pay lol. so she kinda gave in.after that we got to the bus stop where i like hugged her but it was also a hold and she was like your warm and we kinda just stayed there for a minute ands enjoyed it. then the bus came and we got on and started towards mount albion falls. She has never been there before so i had to take her :D. She loved it and wanted to take pictures of everything. then i asked her if she would like to watch a movie sunday and she said YES, so i am like soo happy. so she wants to see Get him to the Greek, so thats what we are going to see. i hope she knows i am paying for her. i don't care if she likes it or not, i asked her out so i have to pay for everything. We talked about maybe she would come over tomorrow(today it is 12:24 am atm). so i kinda hope she does. lets just say that hanging with Corrine has reminded me how much i like her and that i am done with Kayla, maybe after i date Corrine i will try Kayla again but i hope that Corrine and i can last this time around. since this is completely different from the first time. It looks a lot more promising and we are closer then last time. so i hope for the best with Corrine she is truly Awesome.

Today and my feelings about it

So first off i graduated last night, it should be important so yeah it is there.

I disagreed that i had to get up early to get my marks, to make sure i graduated xD. Nah i knew i did i could have failed the exam and i still would have graduated so whatever. i got a 77 in english and a 89 in coop. my avg is 84.3 this sem and last sem was 80 so honor roll for me.

Today i am hanging out with Corrine and i have mixed feelings about it, because i have liked her for a long time and if you read my blog posts you know that i have a little drama going on with Kayla. I have to parts of me when it comes to dating and it is my deep side and my manwhore side. Kayla has my manwhore side like no problem. She also has a bit of my deep side from some of the convos we have had. How we grow up so much like and that we are almost the same person. Where Corrine you i have dated in the past and things got bad and we are closer then friends then last time, has my deep side no problem bu is kinda trying for my manwhore part. The problem comes in the fact i am not sure you i want anymore. i have known Corrine longer and we are closer in like a deep sense but idk Kayla keeps things fun and playful and i feel so good around her. I would have chosen Corrine over Kayla like last week but after everything that happened i am not sure how i feel or what i should do.

Well no i know what i should do, Kayla has a boyfriend and Corrine doesn't. I should be flirting with Corrine and see if we have a chance to date again. Let Kayla figure her stuff out and after she is ready and i am ready Kayla and i could try. Corrine is i super nice person as well, and we could have a long relationship that is how she is if she likes you. I could end up dating both it is who will i first. idk i am lost and confused about how i feel.

Gillis tried to help me but its not really helping, besides he has his only shit to worry about. So yeah i am going to hang out with Corrine today and i will see what happens, maybe just maybe i might be able to be happy for the day.

On a side note Kayla plans on telling her boyfriend what happened and how she cheated on him. She also is gone from thursday to monday. so she need to see him today, but she is kinda busy and he is not home so she is kinda freaking since she wanted to tell him before she left.

so random freaking day... guess it was karma at least someone might think that

So today started with me getting up, no being woken up by my dad to get ready. i wanted to snap then i had to remember he didn't know that i pulled an all nighter the day before and i didn't so to sleep until around 2am. so yeah lack of sleep is a good way to start a day. lawl. so then shower, get dressed, and all that. then i had to pack since i was staying at Gillis' for the night for grad tomorrow. so i also had to pack my grad shit. i missed the bus so i walked to his house.

i got to Eric's house only to find out he was asleep and his mom was at work. His grandma was like no no you can't get him up i will u stay down here :s. so whatever i did then i put my suit in the closet and started to watch tv. after about 3 times of his grandma going up to get him i just went yup to get him. Guess what it worked xD, i could have saved so much time.

So we went out to job hunt and yeah talk about shit. well i wanted to know what i fucked up with Joe. it seems tell someone something even tho it made things better just not right away. so whatever he is pissed because i talked to Nicole but whatever. i am glad things worked out for him even if its not what he wanted its better for him. now the job hunting went well to bad most place for once talked about hiring me, not just taking resume and leaving. One guy even told me he would call in 2 weeks :D.


After that we were kinda just chilling and like what we going to do today. so Kayla was like come over. not asking more like telling. so yeah i talked to gillis and we were going to. then Eric's mom came back and like said she was taking us out for lunch :D so we did and we got a meat lovers pizza <3. After that gillis took forever lurking shit on fb and writing his blog taking his sweet ass time to bug me so i couldn't hang out with Kayla. >.< but i watched FMA: brotherhood and like that ep was freaking awesome, but i am not sure if how they are making one more ep. everything is closed and tied up. but yeah after that we went to kayla's


the rest of the day we chillen with Kayla.

Now we got there and we went upstairs to her room where eric befriended kayla's dog and well i flirted like hard with kayla. so much so Gillis was like i am going to tim's. so we all went and like after he got his coffee we chilled beside tim's and like my foot and part of my leg went to sleep and i couldn't really walk. but after that we went downtown. then we met up with Kyla's mom first hard part of the day. i had to stop flirting xD because kayla has a bf and her mom knows that. so yeah we found little ways too but like nothing like we normally do.

after that we went back to kayla's where Eric chilled on the back and well kayla and i again flirted. after a bit her mom came up and was like kayla your the host i am goin to take the dog for a walk. so yeah we went down to eat dinner. which Gillis mom took and kinda made him go home and iwas allowed to stay. but he was allowed eat. so as we went downstairs eric went ahead of me and Kayla tried to to kiss me and i didn't let her. which both eric and kayla was like >.< so... yeah. i might be a man whore but she has a bf.

then by the time we got downstairs gillis was leaving and we had to make him stay and eat more then he left. -.-; so after Kayla and i finished up we went after him. when we got to his house i called to his window where he joined me for a 2 sec talk before his mom freaked and made us both come in. then after a phone call i was able to get outside. Kayla :), so we flirted and talked about if she really liked me then she needed to break up with her bf. after abit gillis came out and i had to talk to my parents so they talked.

after this eric's mom took us out for coffee, but first we went to get a movie and then coffee. Kayla and i both don't like coffee we had to get it. so yeah we both got a ice coffee and her and i shared one and i gave mine to gillis. then we went to the mount brow. where kayla and i went for a walk and where i finally broke and kissed her... and things seemed good tho. i was happy she was happy, i didn't feel bad for breaking my our morals. idk it could have helped she told me she was going to leave him, not like she had a choice.

when we got back we had to drive Kayla home so we did and i walked her to the door and we kissed a couple more times. we said good night and things seemed good. when i turned away to go to the car Eric screamed something stupid. but yeah. when we got back to gillis house and i finished helping his mom dye her hair. i noticed that Kayla was saying she was confused. so i asked her whats wrong, is it the choice you need to make leslie or me. I don't know how she made this choice after today and how well things went, but she said she was sorry and that she still liked leslie. -.-; which i said was ok and that i told her i would be on her side all the way. but now i feel like a jackass because now she cheated on him he will never know and my broke a moral rule i had. Gillis doesn't seemed so worried about it tho. so idk she is hanging with Leslie tomorrow, wonder who she will be thinking about, the guilt would kill me, just saying

NEW BLOG OMG

SO IT HAS BEEN LIKE A FUCKEN LONG ASS TIME SINCE I BLOGGED ANYTHING.

ANYWAYS I BE AT GILLIS' HOUSE RIGHT NOW. WHY BECAUSE IT IS WHERE I SHOULD BE AT DON'T DISAGREE. SO LIKE YESTERDAY IT WAS FRIDAY WHICH MEANS ANIME NIGHT MOTHER FUCKER :D. AND YEAH I WATCHED SIX EPS OF ANIME. MOST WATCHED ZERO AND FEW WATCHED LIKE 4. CLARA AND LIKE SCOTT HAD LIKE SEX IN JOE'S ROOM WHEN THE REST OF US WENT TO TIM'S. THEN LIKE TODAY, OMG I WAS GOIN TO GO TO GILLIS' AUNT'S PLACE BUT NOOOOOO IT HAD TO RAIN AND HIS MOM WAS SICK. BUT WHATEVER I WATCHED LIKE 10 EPS OF ANIME SO :D. THEN WENT TO GILLIS HOUSE AND CHILLED THEN WENT TO KAYLA'S PARTY :$. WHICH WE WERE THERE FOR LIKE 3 HOURS AND I HAD A TOTAL OF 20 MINS OF GOOD TIME. IF YOU NEED TO KNOW THEY ALL HAD TO DO WITH KAYLA AND ME FLIRTING LIKE BADLY TO THE POINT WHERE ERIC SAID YOU TO SHOULD BE DATING. LIKE HE SAID WE SHOULD BE FUCKING THEN I PICKED HER UP AND WENT AGAINST A FENCE AND YEAH :$ AND WHEN WE WHERE SO CLOSE AND HE BF ME PULL HER TOWARDS ME AND SHE IS LIKE THATS ME BF FOOL AND I WAS LIKE UMM SOO AND SHE IS LIKE SHHH ;). SOME HIGHLIGHTS. THEN WE GOT BACK TO GILLIS' PLACE WHERE I BE STAYING THE NIGHT xD. THEN GILLIS BECAME A CAM WHORE xD. THEN HE STARTED PHOTO EDITING. NOW WE ARE JUST CHILLEN AND DOING NOTHING.




btw caps lock was indeed needed :D