FIRST LABEL

Now is just like every time and know just like then I am hurt. Now feeling worthless and untrusting of others; that I want to trust. you do you do this. Better question why do i let you knowing whats going to happen, I jump for it hoping it will be different. but every time no matter how much time passes it ends the same.... I just want you to know I love you and once you how much I care and that no one is like me. That I am right here. That I have gone though so much for you and will go though so much more. Maybe I will find someone else and they will realize what they have. They will make me happy they way you can. They say you have three great women in my life and I know your one of them. Which means I have two more but I don`t know if I want them. Or at least i don`t want them right now. Cause for some crazy reason i still believe in you. I still want you. Even though all you have done in the end is hurt me. The moments you have made me smile and happy mean so much more. I just want to get this off my chest maybe I will feel better, maybe this will help me move on. Once again all i want you to know is that i love you Corrine and that you have impacted my life in such a massive way. Just wish you could fully understand.

110 but like that matters right

anyways in answer to my last blog post i was right. we are dating and it is going to suck cause i can't see her until like next week cause i work weds to sunday and like i could ask her to hang tomorrow. but like i seen her the past 3 days so i don't want to sound clinging and like annoying. but at the same time seeing her at cadets sucks cause we are both like super busy and like can't talk and at cadets we can't show anything anyways. so yeah

why.. i don't understand.

Ok this blog post could be too early for me to rant. but i need to vent so too bad.

So for people who read this and know me. You guys know that i really liked Corrine and she is the only person i have given a second chance to. But it didn't turn out well i was favoring and she liked someone else. YET it has come back again. that we like each other. I am willing to give her another shot. WHY... i don't understand. I never give second changes she was the first and now she is the first to get a third. Like do i love her? i really don't know. All i want to do when i am around her is hold her. keep her close and talk about anything. But the fact has not changed she hurt me the first time and the second time i kinda was like its not going to happen and i was into Kayla more and Corrine was into Jared more. so how will this third time play out. like ugh. i get to see her tomorrow and i said we need to talk. since she text me saying how she wanted to kiss me. after we were like semi cuddling. IDK. thats why this blog is early cause after i talk to her tomorrow hopefully i will know whats going on

College

Well yesterday Dec 1st, i went to my coop seminar and got to see a whole bunch of people. Which is nice, the seminar itself was funny since i kinda just left and didn't do work. since i don't need too. I went to guidance and got some green or yellow paper idk. Either way it ended with me applying for college. So i applied at Mohawk college, the fennel campus for pretech. why pretech cause i was lazy in high school and didn't grab grade 12 math xD. Oh well it will shorten my second year when i start computer engineering cause i will already have a lot of the credits. Besides i never do things the easy way anyways. if it will talk longer hopefully i will learn more. Since i am not a genius or smart. I have to work hard for everything. so maybe longer the better.

Then i went to work 4 to cl(11) and Nathan was working. Always fun because we have the must fucked convos. This time it was about how we need to blow up A&W, we were planning it out then your supervisor walked by and was like WTF. SO yeah is A&W blows up i am sure Nathan and i will be to blame. We also were talking about an magnetic car system. that you have cars made out of light material and only the plates are metal and have a magnet to pull the car. There were alot of flaws and we decided that the light power pod idea was better.

i hate it when this happens.

So which one is more important if both is no lt possible. Ones self happiness or the happiness of others(friends). Also are they truly friends if they would block something that could make me happier. But would i be friend being self and going for it when i know there would dissapprove and be hurt by it.

It really suck. I think simply it seems right and make sense. Thinking simply would he for myself. Now once i come back into reality and think of my friends and the way they think and feel it almost feela wrong amd that it would be hurting them.

But i want both and i know that cant happen here. I will need to make a choice of who side i am on or to stay in the middle. Also idk if i am i. The middle i believe i have picked a side with wanting to say it. Ugh. Why are ppl stupid and hold hatefully feelings towards ppl it is stupid.

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umm what i night :D D:

First i thought i was called into work so i cancelled the hangout at splitsville. Turns out the person that called in decided he would make it so i didn't need too come in. Well okay so the few people that were going to chill i was like lets go to Joes and make it an Anime night haven't done that in some time.

Well it was fun i got to Joe's at sevenish and Aaron around 7:30 Sammie also texted me around then to see her and Care could come to the hang out thing. We said sure... I said sure. so After telling them use google maps to find joes house. They were like can u meet use somewhere. i was like sure u choose a place. They picked Tims close to joes house. Which is cool they said they be an hourish. After that i texted Chels to see when she was coming and she said where does joe live again. Gave her the address and she is like i am on my way.

First i don't mind Care coming along but i know there is problems with her and Chels and thats why she wasn't invited cause Chels was. So anyways Chels came before Sammie and Care. Afte a couple texts from sammie saying how they will be late and they are waiting on buses. We went to tims to wait for them. Well after i called them they asked to talk to Chels. After she got on the phone a few secs later all i heard was WHY ARE YOU HERE?

Well after that she gave me my phone and was like they are behind tims. So she went to meet them after walking around tims she was confused and i was like where are they. She is like idk. So i called them and we found out they were near the bowling alley. Then i saw Quinn and noticed Chels was asking him why he was here. xD
Anyways Quinn left and Care, Sammie and Chels came with me to meet up with joe and Aaron. After that we got pizza, which some how sammie and care didn't get one even tho i put money in for them :c. I am sorry i put money forward to for you guys. Not sure what happened After that we picked up Narcy from work and went back to joes.

The next hour after waiting 3 hours on Care and sammie where them ignoring us and leaving the room. Aaron offered them some of his pizza i was going to but i gave half to Narcy. so anyways after a bit sammie texted me saying Care wasn't feeling well and they were going to leave so i was like ok it was nice to see u again. Well yeah then they got Chels to come with them. I see well it turns out that they went back to quinn's and Care was fine. -.- Not like we waited for u. Not like i got bitched out because i invited you. not like i was like chill its they can come.

Yeah then i get burned thanks guys. In all fairness to Chels she didn't know. I am sure she didn't want to leave. Since she told me that. she wanted to see Gillis and chill like old times. But sammie and Care didn't let that.

The night ended with Gillis treating us to tim hortons been there enough times xD. Now i got to get up in like 6 hours for a parade and i am tired i am going to sleep. In gen it was a good night.

So am i hypocritical

So i am a very social person and i get along with most people. I like the fact i can easily get along with people and like most people i like it when i get attention. Yet i hate people and society itself. I turn on my music and put on my headphones and walk down the street to avoid people. If someone stops me to ask me something all i can think is your a fucking dumb ass i have headphones on and i am looking away from u. Like why don't u ask someone else. Like i hate dealing with people and talking to most people. I only like talking to a few people.