i hate it when this happens.

So which one is more important if both is no lt possible. Ones self happiness or the happiness of others(friends). Also are they truly friends if they would block something that could make me happier. But would i be friend being self and going for it when i know there would dissapprove and be hurt by it.

It really suck. I think simply it seems right and make sense. Thinking simply would he for myself. Now once i come back into reality and think of my friends and the way they think and feel it almost feela wrong amd that it would be hurting them.

But i want both and i know that cant happen here. I will need to make a choice of who side i am on or to stay in the middle. Also idk if i am i. The middle i believe i have picked a side with wanting to say it. Ugh. Why are ppl stupid and hold hatefully feelings towards ppl it is stupid.

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umm what i night :D D:

First i thought i was called into work so i cancelled the hangout at splitsville. Turns out the person that called in decided he would make it so i didn't need too come in. Well okay so the few people that were going to chill i was like lets go to Joes and make it an Anime night haven't done that in some time.

Well it was fun i got to Joe's at sevenish and Aaron around 7:30 Sammie also texted me around then to see her and Care could come to the hang out thing. We said sure... I said sure. so After telling them use google maps to find joes house. They were like can u meet use somewhere. i was like sure u choose a place. They picked Tims close to joes house. Which is cool they said they be an hourish. After that i texted Chels to see when she was coming and she said where does joe live again. Gave her the address and she is like i am on my way.

First i don't mind Care coming along but i know there is problems with her and Chels and thats why she wasn't invited cause Chels was. So anyways Chels came before Sammie and Care. Afte a couple texts from sammie saying how they will be late and they are waiting on buses. We went to tims to wait for them. Well after i called them they asked to talk to Chels. After she got on the phone a few secs later all i heard was WHY ARE YOU HERE?

Well after that she gave me my phone and was like they are behind tims. So she went to meet them after walking around tims she was confused and i was like where are they. She is like idk. So i called them and we found out they were near the bowling alley. Then i saw Quinn and noticed Chels was asking him why he was here. xD
Anyways Quinn left and Care, Sammie and Chels came with me to meet up with joe and Aaron. After that we got pizza, which some how sammie and care didn't get one even tho i put money in for them :c. I am sorry i put money forward to for you guys. Not sure what happened After that we picked up Narcy from work and went back to joes.

The next hour after waiting 3 hours on Care and sammie where them ignoring us and leaving the room. Aaron offered them some of his pizza i was going to but i gave half to Narcy. so anyways after a bit sammie texted me saying Care wasn't feeling well and they were going to leave so i was like ok it was nice to see u again. Well yeah then they got Chels to come with them. I see well it turns out that they went back to quinn's and Care was fine. -.- Not like we waited for u. Not like i got bitched out because i invited you. not like i was like chill its they can come.

Yeah then i get burned thanks guys. In all fairness to Chels she didn't know. I am sure she didn't want to leave. Since she told me that. she wanted to see Gillis and chill like old times. But sammie and Care didn't let that.

The night ended with Gillis treating us to tim hortons been there enough times xD. Now i got to get up in like 6 hours for a parade and i am tired i am going to sleep. In gen it was a good night.

So am i hypocritical

So i am a very social person and i get along with most people. I like the fact i can easily get along with people and like most people i like it when i get attention. Yet i hate people and society itself. I turn on my music and put on my headphones and walk down the street to avoid people. If someone stops me to ask me something all i can think is your a fucking dumb ass i have headphones on and i am looking away from u. Like why don't u ask someone else. Like i hate dealing with people and talking to most people. I only like talking to a few people.

Choices, decision, life styles

ugh soo many projects to work on, like moving out, road trip, school, cadets, work, license, insurance . the key is to find out which one i should work on and which ones i can drop.

My parents are saying when i am 10 all the rules i have are gone.... ok so if i listen to them i wait and see that puts off moving out until after march 2nd. also that means i have to go though with school and cadets until then. Since i age out when i am 19 of cadets. First same ends in Jan something. so i can work on it but not fully only when i get free time.

School and cadets are timers i am committed until it is done or i age out. So they are up front for now. So at those times i am done with them.

Work is top priority, it comes first and it always will. I need money it is a shame but it is true. Also it keeps me busy.

License and insurance need to be done before the summer for the road trip. Also i want and need the freedom that comes with driving.

An after thought

This is all i am. i am the back up plan. IF the guy u want doesn't want u there is always me. You know the one that really does care, has a job and willing to spend on you just to see you smile. The one that gives his all only to be used until they are bored and throw me away. This is who i am. Its funny i should be pissed or sad even hurt. Yet i had a question on Formspring it was "Would you rather love but never be loved, or be loved but never love?" it is truly an outstanding question. The answer i gave is true but not at detailed as the answer should be. My answer was i would rather love then be loved. Since this is my answer and it is true it makes sense why i am not pissed or sad or even hurt by the fact i am an after thought. The reason is i am happy when i make someone i "love" smile. Love meaning someone close to me boy or girl.

Now the reason i gave that answer besides the fact it is a simple straight forward answer and true. IS the fact in ever relationship i have give it my all to make it work, i go the extra steps that aren't need to make sure they are happy. If she is happy then i am happy since i know at that very moment i am the one you caused her to smile or feel the way she does. Also the ability to love is very important. I believe without the ability to care, to love we are not human. Its pretty simple reasoning i know but still. This is my reason and i stand by it.

As humans we have some very powerful emotions and Love is one of them. It makes us do crazy things that we would normally never do.

OMFG YESSSSS

SO this POST IS FOR JOE WHO IS NOW WORKING. EVEN BETTER HE IS PART OF A UNION NOW. AFTER A BIT HE WILL GET SOME NICE BENEFITS. JOE IS WORKING AGAIN LIKE YESSSSSS. GOOD FOR HIM.

First day at coop and reflection

So like today is my first day at coop again. I can't believe it has been like months since i have been here. It is nice to be back. Sadly tho i lost my office to some new guy that works with one of the businesses in here. I believe there is three. Icor, Talkway which are both run by George although Cheryl owns Icor. Then there is a photo thing here. Umm Studio DVM i believe. Since i have not meet this guy yet idk which one he is apart of. Yet he took my office >.< i shall kill him. nah i am using the boardroom so like its not too bad. got a tv with cable hook up, sound system, and a computer so like its all good. Although i just brought my laptop and i am using that xD.
NOTE FOR GILLIS: i am using the android phone for wifi mostly because i can, but yeah it works fine. I don't know what u did to mess it up i did the same thing we did at ur house and it is working and it is fast. /end NOTE FOR GILLIS

SO yeah i started my logs and kinda started the assignments i got to do for like oct 6th. xD. Yeah it is slow atm but like it is 10 am so not sure how busy i computer company would be.



OK SECOND PART
REFLECTION:
So this is mostly about me and like how i have been acting to people and shit like that. I have been semi fake for the past little bit. I have been really pissed off the past month or so and i have been putting on a fake smile and been happy for people. Like my fb status says "How u act means more to ppl then how u feel. To this i have chosen to act on how i feel so u all will get to know how i feel." so yeah i have decided not to make the effort to talk to people that don't talk to me or i don't deal with everyday. Since all i am doing is trying to form something thats not there aka a friendship. Since the Convo are always one sided me asking questions trying to keep convos going. so that is done. If i dislike you and i have been nice that is coming to an ended. If i like you hint Jessie and Kayla i am going to be more forward. Since for starters Kayla u and i already ruined one relationship u had why not another one. Also u and i were doing stuff before u decided to date Taylor. I can't see him as ur bf. He is ur ma-boy servant. You date him because u can control him. As for Jessie OH MY GOD please make up ur mind and let me come see you soon. Stop this whole game of u needing to figure shit out for urself then deciding to flirt with other guys. You have no idea how much u effect me. I have liked you for so long i just never say anything happening and when i finally did i was so happy. Then after that one night where i thought things could work out everything stopped and it seems to be going backwards. So yeah i am going to be more straight forward with you two. starting now and whatever one i end up with i will be happy, since both of u effect my emotions and my day more then anything.