ROAR...

so for like the past week and a half i have been job hunting, for 3 to 4 hours everyday. thursday, friday, sat and sun i didn't sleep. so on sunday morning when i was getting ready i was pissed off with everything thing. so when i got back my dad is home and he notices i am in a bad mood but i told him to leave me alone. (not as nice) so yeah then i went upstairs to be aone and maybe sleep xD. but i went on msn to find out that my friend Zoe's grandma died that night and i was talking with her when my dad decided to bug me about my mood. so i like my dad but not as a father anytime i try to see him as a father i hate him. (thats a diff story) so he started to bug me and he won't let off. and i was like just go away i don't want to talk to u. and he left for about 4 secs until he got to his door and was like fuck this. and he came in my room and hit my keyboard told me to get off my computer. now besides me job hunting for a job it was also to keep him off my back if i went he said he would leave me alone. so once he hit my keyboard i stood up through my keyboard into my screen and faced him where he grabbed me pushed me over my desk into the wall where i grabbed my bed and pulled myself to my feet. after that he said is today the day acouple of times, remembering that we are like in each others faces. and i was about to hit him when he let go said come talk to me when u cool down. and he walked into his room and slammed the door. so i took off. went to go talk to Kayla but since i am pissed idc whats goin on around me so i am walking though red lights causing cars to like go around me or stop when they have the right of way. ppl said shit and ppl looked at me like wtf so on. first almost death car just missed me like i felt thecar with my hand, then yeah Kayla wasn't home so i was even more pissed and everyone is at school or iwould have gone to Nicoles or gilis. so theni walked to Joe's which was like an hour and half away. again did thesame shit with thecars but likenothing happened. got to joes adn told him what happened and he said i couldstay the night so i was likealright thanks man. i was good, pissed but little more relaxed. So Gillis gets home from summer school and Joey and i go to his house i tell him what happens and he is like u can stay at my place. so we went to the mal because we were going to anyways, and we spend the day there chillen with chels. on the away to the mall from gillis there is this bridge over the high way but like ppl go 80 on it anyways and i j walked against the light again not seeing a car and the guy missed me thank god. but like it was close like my first thing and the guy almost crashed. so he turned into a side street to follow us and when we got on to ur street tried to bitch me out but again i wasn't caring. he almost got out of the car to fight me xD, not like it 3 on 1. but gillis and joe talked him out of it. after having alot of fun at the mall i clamed down and i was like i need to make sure my computer still works. so i went home to almost start a fight with my dad again as i was putting my keyboard back together. stil missing acouple of keys and spacebar is alittle messed. but yeah we talked it out kinda, it really my saying sorry so he would then me fakin a smile again towards him

wow umm shitty day much, i guess idk i can see good things too.

So where to start oh about with the morning. I get up to go job hunting again :D thats always fun... not so much. when more so when your fam is going hiking again to waterfalls i haven't been to and want to go. so yeah they go and i go job hunting. i come home after job hunting for 3 hours to find out they are not back yet, how do i know this I AM LOCKED OUT OF MY HOUSE. which is fine i was going to hang with Kayla anyways i just wanted to have another shower since i was walking outside going from place to place handing out resumes but couldn't do that.

So i got to Kayla and i kinda felt something was different but like i figured no big deal she hung out with Taylor the other day. i just give her a kiss and things will be fine. but i never got a chance and when i go close to kissing her neck like i have done god idk how many times she wouldn't let me. i thought how odd but playing hard to get you never know. but we played cards and listened to music and then we went for a walk to TB. On this walk i got a chance to kiss her and she backed up and was like not today :, so i figured she wanted me to chase her and make a game out of it. No i was for real she choice Taylor, she likes him and wants to date him over me. She sees me as a friend. She wants to keep the close part of the friendship tho. which means i can cuddle her and flirt and hold her so on. but no more kissing of any sorts. Which made me idk i laughed its all i could think of doing it seems to be something id o when i am mad or sad i just laugh. i told her that i was going to ask her out and she like yeah i kinda figured that. so that was a nice walk back to her house to get my stuff and leave. for the first time ever with her i listened to my music and just walked i couldn't really stop. idk we hit a cross walk and the light was red but i just kept walking. i just wanted to go but at the same time be with her. idk it was weird so when i got back to her place i got my stuff and left. thanked her for having me over. i went to my moms work and got a drink. Nicole was working (cute scene girl with awesome hair). so yeah then my dad called the work when i was there and was like i am sorry for locking dom out. >.>

so then i got home and i changed my name to i am sorry how i reacted, i should have been better then that. hoping Kayla saw because i was sure i made her feel bad and i didn't want that. so yeah she saw it and was like you reacted better then most would. i felt so stupid. for how i acted. but yeah we talked for abit and i told her and i mean it i hope that things with Taylor and her work out. so then she asked are we still good friends, which i was kinda hurt by i told her i would be by her side and i mean't it. i am here for her when she needs me. to quote a song

"There is something that I gotta say.
It's disgusting, how I love you.
God, I hate me. I could kill you.
Cause your messing up my name.
Gotta walk my talk my fame, but I just want to touch your face.
It's disgusting.
It's disgusting, how you changed me."
-Ke$ha, Disgusting

The highlight of my day, Allison told be about 7-11 thing this sunday :D i was happy.

so yeah then i had dinner and when i got back i see that Kayla messaged me and that she wanted to know what i was doing after dinner and i told her nothing why whats up. and she is like i need out of my house plz, and i was like alright come over, and she was like really. i told you i would be there for u i am not going back on my word. so yeah after again feeling hurt because i guess she thought i would say no. she came to my house. i meet up with her at upper Sherman and i was like whats wrong and she is like Fam shit and i gave her a hug and held her. Then we went to my coop where we meet up with Phil, Korry, and my sisters. after a bit of back and forth talk some how they decide that we should play cops and robbers. so Korry starts to message ppl who Andrea thinks would want to join. Then in like 10 mins Brittney joins us, some creepy kid. so i am talking with Korry for the most part until Kayla and i end up on the slide and we are just chillen. it is like 9:22 and we are waiting for ppl to come and like i was trying to figure out where Andrea was so Nakia went to see if she was in the house and she was. so then when she comes out Nakia is like Dom you need to be in the house in 8 mins. I was like WTF ummmm for real that is 9:30. So i went to talk to my dad to figure out what is going on, after i whats goin on at 9:30 and he says you need to be in he is like be care how you talk u might end up in your room like your sister. so i shut the door and go back to the back. and i rant to Kayla how i want to kill my dad like i lived with out for so long like why now, so Kayla trying to comfort me and i think seeing how pissed i can get. Because what Kayla caused me to do was nothing compared to how i was acting thanks to my father. and when i noticed my dad left i eye sight. i was late so i was like i have to go to Kayla and i asked to cross that line one more time and let me give her a kiss, she didn't want to saying it would only keep happening and i told her on my word it wouldn't and she let me. i think it was sweet of her.

Then to my dad i went, i walked in and he was like thanks for being on time its not like it is 9:35 which pissed him off so he says, sayings shit like i see how much you think of me. like really. anyways he is talking to me about it when my sister Nakia gets in and he like go to bed and she tries to say something and he starts to yell i am done with you go to bed and yet she tries to say something and he yells again FUCK OFF. so she goes up stairs crying, then we finish our convo about how he didn't want us at the park so he called us in. yeah makes sense we can't hang at the park :S. whatever and he is like you can try to catch up to Kayla and walk her home which now it is like 9:50 -.-; yeah so i just went for the walk to clam down. when i got back he was talking to andrea and they were not getting along so i went up stairs, after a couple of minutes i hear bang bang bang bang and andrea coming up the stairs. i go down stairs and see water all over he kitchen floor so my dad through his cup at the wall or ground. the rest of the bags idk, but i felt it through the house so. then my mom and andrea start to fight and my dad joins in. so i am ranting to Kayla, Gillis, anyone else online and then when i am about to tell Zoe and Tell kayla what happened with my dad and i like 6 years ago i get called down. so i go and my parents start talking to me about do i understand and all this and i wanted to end quickly so i was like yeah i do, put they kept talking like there where trying to prove something and like i got back up her to finish this at 12:30, they called me down at 11:30.

All this bullshit

ok fuck drama like really, no ones likes it so why is it around. >.<

I am done with trying with Corrine and Kayla whatever one happens happens. If neither of them happen and another girl will i guess. Its not like i am not a flirt or anything. Like i know why i like Corrine and all but still if it hasn't worked out after all this then maybe its not going too. Maybe i should see that. As for Kayla it is all about me asking her out so maybe i should just do that. Then i can be happy even for just a little bit, it is better then the shit i am going though right now >.<

My biggest mistake was letting Corrine read this, but like really she wanted to and i had to tell her some time what happened with Kayla and i. She knew how i felt. Like idk whatever.

Oh another thing if anyone wants to know how stupid i am when i was like i choice Corrine and shit, yeah will i hang out with Kayla the other day (yesterday) and guess what i am still a manwhore. We made out i kissed her on her neck, holding hands, cuddling, smacking each others ass. Anything i shouldn't have done i did if i am going for Corrine. which is hard when she is not talking to me -.-;

LIKE REALLY, Corrine all u do is talk about Jared like i know you like him as well. Too bad you live no where near him and you guys won't date. At least your not like leading me on 100% only to like ruin the day we had by saying i am sorry i done the same thing to you twice now.

Speaking of which Kayla stop leading me on if at the end of every night when i walk you home and i kiss you good night you say your sorry, because we both know that since i didn't ask you out that night you will end up dating Taylor and i will have to wait. Since you know that you are most likely going to date Taylor stop doing shit with me or don't say your sorry because really we are good friends and really close i don't mind. i wouldn't mind dating you but like i need to hang out with you again. That is the only thing that needs to happen. If i ask you would say yes and even said that and hinted at it. At least you talk to me.

RAGE QUIT

My Dad

WEll i am like on a decent relationship with my father. The past four years has been good. My father is a normal man like everyone else and has his flaws. so what i am about to write about him is only for me to calm down, because i am worked up about it at the moment.

So for seven years my dad cheated on my mom, we only found out at the end of my grade 8 year. Yeah that is awesome right >.<

Anyways because of this he was never home maybe one or twice every couple of weeks. Because of this we never say money from his pay checks, since they went to drugs, his clothes, and the girl. So for seven years my mom had to raise 4 kids by herself, and she had to work. Which meant i gave up my childhood when i was younger to help my mom with my sibs. now also i had no rules i did what i wanted the reason out of all things my mom had to worry about it wasn't one of them. We couldn't pay bills or get alot of food, there was times we had no electricity for a month or like i would one eat once a day or so. I had it bad but noting compared to my mom, she wouldn't eat so we could eat, she was the one that had to worry where the next meal was coming from and where we were going to get money to pay the bills and how to stay how not to get kicked out.

They tried to kick us out a couple of times didn't really work as you can see.

So i have forgiven him for what he has done to me. What i haven't forgiven him for is what he did to my mother. I don't know if i will ever be able to. I know we need him well at least to live they way we are now. but we did survive seven years without him i think we could still manage.

What bugs me even more is that he makes rules for me and all he does is make me feel small like i am shit. Like i am a waste of a human body. The only time he has said i am proud of you is when he talks about how i finished high school. If we are not talking about that i am nothing, around friends he is nice and a cool guy like he can be.

Again my Father is a good man, who is a human and has the seven sins like everyone else. He has been good father to my sibs and a good supporter for the past four years. he is a fair guy to deal with and only wants to give the best he can know.

i feel better now

My choice, it should have been clear

Well, everyone knows i am done with Kayla. I am glad she left her bf it was the right thing to do. I am disappointed that she didn't tell him about what happened with her and I but not my place. I don't really know the guy but i am sorry and i want to tell him myself but again Kayla should. Other then that after Talking to Clara, Gillis, and Nicole they just made me see that my liking Corrine is the right choice and that Corrine is awesome. Kayla isn't worth it and as much as she is a good friend i could never date her with trust.

I am still sorry to Kayla tho even tho she wanted it. i should have been able to stop. then again having two people say do it doesn't help. So i am sorry i caused that drama but i am glad it is done.

Grandparents

so last night was most likely the least amount of drama that has been at anime night in a long freaking time.

Anyways today i woke up and got ready to go to my Grandparents, what am i doing well. I happened to need to weed for the garden which we started at 11 and we finished at 2:30. Yeah weeding is fun :\. meh its not too bad but it was hot out. I am sure that my farmers tan just got darker lawl. (not what i needed). The other reason we are here is because tomorrow is my sisters birthday. Nakia for those who know my sisters xD. she is 13 tomorrow. Since we see my grandparents today, we are doing today as well, because well my grandparents like to be a part of it and we are a very close family. Tomorrow she is having some friends over and i think a couple are sleeping over. I am there for a bit but i am leaving at like 4ish to hang out with people. i brought her lunch the other day. She seemed to like it. -.-; i used most of my money i am broke now. She wanted a Nintendo DS i and she got one well is going to get one later today when she opens it. I had to open it and do the settings for her. I made her screen name Nakia (Key) which is the two names she uses and her PM Happy birthday :3.

well back to my family...

Revisited( today and my feelings about it)

Well skip over the grad stuff and my marks that is the same.

OK hanging with Corrine, was FUCKING AWESOME. Okay so first, i scared the shit out of her downtown when we met up. so then we went to the caves like we planned and had a nice hike/walk on the trail. With a lot of pictures along the way :D. Once we hit the cave we went down and i talked Corrine into going first, it was a problem for some reason. so once we started she was like oww every 5 secs from hitting her head xD which i was like i said watch out and you told me you saw it. she lied xD. well once the cave opens(getter bigger) and we could walk in the cave and not crawl, we hit the point i stopped last time where there is a drop and we were not sure if we could get up. but i looked at it and was like i can get up so i went down, and then Corrine joined me and we had to take pics. so then we continued along the cave and i saw a point where it would be ok to get passed but hard to get back and i made the choice to go back. i lead the way out, yeah she got me to go first on the way back. i was like well lets continue the hike so we did. then when we got out i we checked the map and i showed her what we did and the cool things that happen if it rained or the water level raises. Then we went to Tim's where i bought us food, as much as she didn't want me too spend money on her xD and i had to tell her that i was taking her out i have to pay lol. so she kinda gave in.after that we got to the bus stop where i like hugged her but it was also a hold and she was like your warm and we kinda just stayed there for a minute ands enjoyed it. then the bus came and we got on and started towards mount albion falls. She has never been there before so i had to take her :D. She loved it and wanted to take pictures of everything. then i asked her if she would like to watch a movie sunday and she said YES, so i am like soo happy. so she wants to see Get him to the Greek, so thats what we are going to see. i hope she knows i am paying for her. i don't care if she likes it or not, i asked her out so i have to pay for everything. We talked about maybe she would come over tomorrow(today it is 12:24 am atm). so i kinda hope she does. lets just say that hanging with Corrine has reminded me how much i like her and that i am done with Kayla, maybe after i date Corrine i will try Kayla again but i hope that Corrine and i can last this time around. since this is completely different from the first time. It looks a lot more promising and we are closer then last time. so i hope for the best with Corrine she is truly Awesome.